smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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