we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
