hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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