were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
