I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize