i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
