If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
