I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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