my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
