Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
