I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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