After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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