member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
