Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
