You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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