honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
