I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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