Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
