He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
