i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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