I want to make a zoo with you.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
