My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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