why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
