So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
