Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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