Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
