the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
