Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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