Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
