What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
