you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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