I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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