Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
