i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
