Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
