Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
