We named our party play list daddy issues
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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