Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
