There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
