i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
