Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
