I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
