I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
