I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize