Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
