So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
