Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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