god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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