Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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