He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize