I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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