My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
