There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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