I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"it" just moved
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
