umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
