I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My pussy is not your playground.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
