On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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