I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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