youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
