I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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