just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
