Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
